In this era of excessive exclamation point use, punctuating a text with a period is the quickest and simplest way to cause concern.

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*Builds panic room out of Swiss cheese*

*Fails to see holes in plan*


Please enjoy my “Here’s Your Sign” tweet collection, designed to ward off Twitter trolls.


Spaghetti, because you didn’t like that shirt anyways


If the police ask, I was in my house from 2009 to 2013.


“I wish some random guy from India would DM me!”

-no girl, ever


Me: I’m so emotional today

8 ice cream sandwiches: We can help!


If at first you don’t succeed, you’re assembling furniture from IKEA.


Grim Reaper: I’m here for the sole!

Waiter: *whimpering* omg can I… can I say bye to my family?

Grim Reaper: uh, no, the fish special.