How many coffees before I stop looking for shirts in my refrigerator
In this era of excessive exclamation point use, punctuating a text with a period is the quickest and simplest way to cause concern.
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*Builds panic room out of Swiss cheese*
*Fails to see holes in plan*
Please enjoy my “Here’s Your Sign” tweet collection, designed to ward off Twitter trolls.
Spaghetti, because you didn’t like that shirt anyways
If the police ask, I was in my house from 2009 to 2013.
“I wish some random guy from India would DM me!”
-no girl, ever
If life gives you raisins, there’s not much you can do.
Me: I’m so emotional today
8 ice cream sandwiches: We can help!
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re assembling furniture from IKEA.
Grim Reaper: I’m here for the sole!
Waiter: *whimpering* omg can I… can I say bye to my family?
Grim Reaper: uh, no, the fish special.