Independence Day was basically aliens blew shit up and then we gave them a copy of Windows and won the war.

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Superman: I got this
Batman: I’ll help
S: Look, you just slow me down
B: I’m a detective
S: …
B: I have batarangs
S: Do you hear yourself?


whats that detective, the serial killer is in the mall? i’ll hack into their security cameras real fast
[types “job openings” into google]


Remember when you first joined twitter and you had no idea how to RT or what favstar was and remembered what your family looked like?


The Terminator would have been better if they’d cast Jim Parsons. “Bazinga” is so much better than “I’ll be back.”


Guy getting on elevator in my office building..” Going Down?”

Me: “No, but I’ve got time for a hug”


Dumbledore: the mirror of erised shows your deepest desires.

Harry: *tearing up* i’m with my mom

Snape: omg same


if the benadryl doesn’t work use the back of a shovel


I swear babe, I’m a virgin, it must be a miracle.

*Joseph rolls eyes