@Lazer_Cat_

Independence Day was basically aliens blew shit up and then we gave them a copy of Windows and won the war.

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@tchrquotes

Superman: I got this
Batman: I’ll help
S: Look, you just slow me down
B: I’m a detective
S: …
B: I have batarangs
S: Do you hear yourself?

@respected_loner

whats that detective, the serial killer is in the mall? i’ll hack into their security cameras real fast
[types “job openings” into google]

@Wussawilla

Remember when you first joined twitter and you had no idea how to RT or what favstar was and remembered what your family looked like?

@Lazer_Cat_

The Terminator would have been better if they’d cast Jim Parsons. “Bazinga” is so much better than “I’ll be back.”

@BoucheDag2k

Guy getting on elevator in my office building..” Going Down?”

Me: “No, but I’ve got time for a hug”

@nyquills

Dumbledore: the mirror of erised shows your deepest desires.

Harry: *tearing up* i’m with my mom

Snape: omg same

@120yearz

if the benadryl doesn’t work use the back of a shovel

@Dawn_M_

I swear babe, I’m a virgin, it must be a miracle.

*Joseph rolls eyes