Instead of saying, “Someone’s in here” when a person tries to open your bathroom stall door, try one of these fun alternatives:
1. “Leave the package at the door.”
2. “I TOLD YOU IT’S OVER!”
3. “Larry?”
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I guess if macaroni had to be named after a body part, elbow was better than some other options.
Hey yea man, send me that YouTube link. I’m definitely gonna watch it and not just default send back “lol” after a few minutes.
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Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing
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Me: [Using laptop to search for a new job]
I never understood why people complain about camping. What’s not to love about a luxury, air-conditioned cabin fully stocked with food, beer, and WiFi?
*turns off comments*
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ME: *pulls an apple from pocket*
DOCTOR: *sweating* GOOD NEWS, I MEANT GOOD NEWS
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Your car took up two spaces, so I tried to move it over with my key.
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Waitress: Is this your grandma?
Me: My wife.
Waitress: …
Me: …
Waitress: I am SO sorry.
*walks away*
Grandma: Nice one. High five!
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Me: your order is on its way
Her: oh god, yes!
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ME [drinking a bottle of shampoo]: *bubble noises*
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🤣🤣🤣🤣
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HAHAHAHAHA!
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N: So?
M: So, I can’t help you.