When in doubt, ask yourself WWBD: What Would Beyoncé Do? Would she apply for a job? Nope. She’d just show up one day like “I work here now.”
interviewer: how are you with excel
me: i hate it
interviewer: an experienced user then
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A cheetah stalking its prey would be jealous of the way I pounce on the Skip Ad button on YT once the 5 seconds are up.
Me: *trying to sleep
Brain: He said you were pretty
Brain: but not beautiful
It took me 9 self inflicted ER visits, but that nurse finally realized it was love at first sight.
[Wildebeest orbiting the earth in a spacesuit, uselessly kicking its legs madly every time a really grassy part comes into view]
My husband asked me why I never blink during sex, I told him there just isn’t enough time.
“GO SPORTS!” -how I cheer for all sports
I’m just a lawyer, standing in front of a Judge, trying to make him understand that stopping for coffee was a necessity and I should not be held in contempt for being late.
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.