@ClichedOut

Interviewer: How did you hear about the position?

Me: *sweating profusely* W-with my ears.

You Might Also Like

@GreenishDuck

Before Google, people had to go out in the alley and yell “WHAT’S THE NAME OF THE MONKEY FROM ALADDIN?” until they got some answers.

@Kateness8

[walking somewhere]

My cat: I’M GOING TO GET THERE FIRST!!

@TinaMav

Next time a stranger talks to me when I’m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper “You can see me?”..

@psybermonkey

Kids going as Batman for Halloween should not be accompanied by parents unless those parents are dressed as ghosts

@frenziedandfine

My youngest just brought me a bagful of her baby teeth and is demanding answers.

@ThisLocalHater

[During sex]

Me: I know you want me to be “naughty”, but I can barely breathe in this Hamburglar costume.

@ibid78

You can give a centaur a fish AND lead him to water, which is pretty awesome.

@thequeensheart

All you guys crying about stepping on Legos, have you ever stepped on a Barbie shoe? Heel pointing up????