@Xoolun: Went to the gym and asked the trainer. Could you help me do splits? Trainer: Sure How flexible are you? Me: I can only do Thursday.

@urmumsausername: I saw a TV for sale for only £1 because the volume button was stuck Did I buy it? Of course I did! Well, I couldn't turn it down Could I?

@parsfarce: me: i feel anxious body: here I make u sweat it will calm u down me: i feel much worse body: ok ok I make u throw up u relax now

@skittle624: Just took my 3 dogs to the vet, so the family will be feasting on ramen noodles, beans, and no name chips for the next few months. At least the dogs are taken care of.

@MotorCityKitteh: Do you ever delete tweets because you're afraid someone will think that tweet is about them? Or if they are from Canada, aboot them?