@felixoshea: He entered the gym: eye patch on, peg leg in; he’d made his costume himself. It was a pilates class. He realised his mistake immediately.

@hiitsmolly: all ramen noodles come from one impossibly long noodle of disputed origins. no one knows how much is left or what will happen when it's gone

@MdUNH: Expendables 4 (Rated R): Tom, Sylvester & Wiley Coyote coldly hunt down & eat Jerry, Tweety & Roadrunner. Directed by Quentin Tarantino.

@zephyrs0phie: My parents moved a lot when I was younger. My sister and I always managed to track them down though.

@david8hughes: [moses parts sea] Slaves: wow! Why we running away if u can do shit like that? Lets go back & claim the pyramids Moses: thats my only trick