If you put a drier sheet in your car’s visor, your car will smell fresh for days
[Looks under visor]
Hey wait a minute this is a slice of ham
“Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches” – I’m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
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What’s the dumbest thing you bought when you were drunk?
I spent $30 on fish food and I don’t have a fish
Judge: What did you say?
Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence?
*Stage dives into cheering jury*
I only eat vegetarians.
I like my women like I like my coffee
Overpriced and bitter
darkseid – galactic conqueror
doomsday – indestructible killing machine
the joker – tells little jokes
the riddler – poses little riddles
the penguin – is a penguin
I did so much yard work today, I might get deported.
Mark my words, but use something erasable cause I change my mind a lot.