Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps or does it just feel like he’s at work

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Tampon boxes should come with a “It’s not safe to walk around naked with a tampon string hanging out if you own a cat.” warning.


Me: I don’t think I can handle any more stress or challenges in my life.

Universe: Hold my beer.


How much wood would Steve Winwood win if Steve Winwood could win wood?


*accidentally walks into lion’s den
*goes back to party in lion’s living room


Look, all I know is none of this shit was going on when Mtv still played music videos.


Watching Riverdale with my son has afforded us important discussions like not to lie to the police when your twin brother dies mysteriously.


Been told I’m a pretty awful human being.
I stopped listening after he said I was pretty.


Both her name and her living situation suggests that the dwarves MAY have been referring to Snow White when they sang, ‘high ho.’