@Shade510

Is age 14 too old to leave your kid on a doorstep?

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@WilliamAder

Hung my Christmas lights on the house across the street so I can see them.

@causticbob

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.

@DaHess1

Christian Mingle: God has hidden a spouse for you on our website. Pay us $30 and see if you can find them.

@joeljeffrey

I didnt know how to tell this guy at Home Depot his fly was down… and he didnt know how to say thanks when I tried to help him zip it up.

@Brianhopecomedy

I told my 5 year old that he was allowed to choose 1 item from the grocery store so we’re walking home with a cart.

@trevso_electric

Man who looks forward to spending his entire life with Kim Kardashian disagrees with Grammy decision.

@daemonic3

me: so you’re just going to pack up my things? as if none of this meant anything to you??

grocery bagger: what

@robfee

Sorry I can’t pay my rent this month, I bought an apple at the airport.