Hung my Christmas lights on the house across the street so I can see them.
Is age 14 too old to leave your kid on a doorstep?
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Christian Mingle: God has hidden a spouse for you on our website. Pay us $30 and see if you can find them.
I didnt know how to tell this guy at Home Depot his fly was down… and he didnt know how to say thanks when I tried to help him zip it up.
I told my 5 year old that he was allowed to choose 1 item from the grocery store so we’re walking home with a cart.
A bug is just a bug until you put one on someone’s face.
Man who looks forward to spending his entire life with Kim Kardashian disagrees with Grammy decision.
me: so you’re just going to pack up my things? as if none of this meant anything to you??
grocery bagger: what
Sorry I can’t pay my rent this month, I bought an apple at the airport.