Rum: We’ve replaced her depth perception with fun house mirrors, now we wait.
*misses last two stairs, face plants*
Is anybody else having trouble logging into my wife’s Facebook account?
You Might Also Like
How DARE you go the speed limit in a situation like this…
~Me, to anyone with the audacity to be in front of me when I’m running late.
[First Day As a Babysitter]
“Alexa, change the kid’s diaper”
That awkward moment when the garbage goes out more than you.
Wondering how long it’ll take for my boyfriend to realize every time he’s told me he loves me I’ve said I love YouTube
I hate when I read something so offensive on Twitter that my monocle falls out of my eye and into my brandy snifter.
Every Liam Neeson movie now is just him talking on the phone then killing people, right?
[harry potter at an interview]
interviewer: it says here you found & destroyed seven horcuxes
harry: that’s correct, sir
interviewer: but no experience creating a powerpoint presentation, wow
I wish there was a way to tell if this guy is being nice to me because he likes me or if it’s just because he’s Canadian.
No thanks Facebook Live, if I wanted to see people doing stupid things in real time I’d just go visit my family.