Man: You’ve been very loyal but it’s best we part ways
Dog: I don’t understand. What’s the problem?
Man: Your talking kinda freaks me out.
Is #GoHomeIndianMedia really trending? Can we respond with #NoPleaseYouKeepThem or #OkFineWhereElseCanWeSendThem
You Might Also Like
A mongoose is just a goose who listens to reggae
Apparently it’s okay for the office to have “casual Friday’s,” but “nudist Tuesday’s” are frowned upon. How embarrassing for me.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
I don’t hate anyone. I just don’t like people.
The 80s gave me the unrealistic expectation that I would eventually see a mannequin come to life.
*at psychic reading*
Psychic: you probably think you’re wasting your time
Me: Ooh you’re good
Wife: Well, they say a mirror adds ten pounds.
Me: That’s a cam-
Me: Yes. Yes they do.
I can’t grow flowers for shit but my old neglected potatoes in a grocery bag in the basement just grew legs and marched up here
Wife [asking serious questions during NFL™ kickoff] …
Me [screaming at tv] yes! Yes! YES!!
Wife: okay! Yay!! [adopts 13 cats]