@Playing_Dad

Is….Is this an option?

You Might Also Like

@ksecaw

[guy behind me observes my groceries]

– frozen meals
– fruits
– vegetables
– small carton of eggs
– half carton of milk

Guy: you must be single

Me: haha, how did you know?

Guy: you’re ugly.

@mattZillaaaa

Having someone cancel plans on you is like watching trash take itself out.

@LoveNLunchmeat

[watching basketball]

I bet these guys all have really big *husband stares at me* feet.

And that’s how you get him to turn off the game.

@TheDanielleRock

There are two kinds of people in this world, people that know things and people who don’t know how to use Google.

@lasergirl70

Friend “Listen to this. I had wine delivered the other night and I ended up having sex with the delivery guy”

Me “There’s WINE delivery?”

@JB1971_

Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth.

@Phook75

No matter how much you loved them if a family member or pet comes back from the dead don’t dilly dally kill them immediately