I use a wheelchair. When I’m at a job interview and they ask me what my biggest weakness is, I want to say “A flat tire”.
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat’s just being dramatic.
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Mom’s car ran out of coolant and now it’s driving like a humongous nerd.
The best part of being lactose intolerant is the cure for constipation is cheese.
Biden: I painted “Michelle Obama 2020” on your bedroom ceiling
Biden: Glow in the dark paint
If I have learned anything in life it’s don’t throw away your fat clothes
Party Questions by age
1-12: Will there be a Bouncy House?
17-20: Will there be alcohol?
22-27: Theres no kids right?
30+ Who’s bday is it?
“Sure the Decepticons are trying to kill us, but at least the price of fuel is reasonable”
I wish cartoons would have prepared me for working and doing taxes instead of, like, quicksand