is it too early for christmas memes
![]()
You Might Also Like
“I’m taking condiments in a bold new direction” I whisper as I squeeze a tube of toothpaste on my hot dog. The dentists all cheer for me.
Me: We should set up a play date
Hot dad at park: You have a kid?
Me: No, I said WE should
127 HOURS but me trying to get my hand out of the Pringles can
Husband: We need to stop spending so much money.
Me: *fluffing the pillows on the dogs’ new paw patrol beds* not sure what you mean by that but okay.
“How much is that doggy in the window” is a dumb thing to write a song about. Just go ask one of the workers
If your date asks what you do for a living, just say “You let me worry about that.”
Toilet roll shortage. Fine.
Potatoes. Yes whatever.
Chocolate shortage.. PANIC BUY.
me: thanks for letting me work from home
boss: *turns off shower* I meant your home
My dog is always using my legs as a pillow, but the one time I lay down on him he acts like I should get out of his kennel.
Baby Yoda ends up in the nativity scene ONE time and I’m no longer in charge
me: no thanks I’m a vegan
person handing me a baby: what
He may be a red flag factory but the building is nice.
I left my wallet in the car and asked my 9yo if I could borrow $3. He gone say “look at me carrying this family on my back”.
Boy…💀💀💀💀
Can’t tell who liked my tweet so from here on out, I will assume every like is coming from my crush.
I’m that asshole that holds the door open for you when you’re 50 feet away. You know, so you have to run a little.
Mugger: “Hand over your stuff! No funny business!”
*I give him my wallet and phone but not my business proposal to open a clown college*
*brings a mattress to a trust fall*
Sure, I want to find that perfect for me relationship, but experience has taught me it’s probably cupcakes.
I don’t always go the extra mile
But when I do…
It’s because I missed my exit.
(Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today’s pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)
“I’m helping” 😅
It’s terribly sad, but the fact that the graphic had to be added is due to the shockingly low literacy rate among geese.
![]()
This may be the zombie bite talking, but “BRAINS.”
90% of parenting older kids is making sure they’re not in the same room when they have to do homework.
When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot
i’m looking for a hotel to book up north at the end of the month and one of them listed “toilet paper” as an amenity. i hope “running water” is also included.
[first date]
Her: I love cats
Me: (trying to impress) *pushes her plate off the table*
Sweetie if I was fake, I would pretend to be someone awesome and not a lonely weirdo.