*throws in the towel*
Is the Paleo diet the one where you only eat dinosaurs?
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amazon: our prime deliveries may be delayed due to covid-19
me: thats okay *hits accept*
amazon [seconds later]: *package smashes through living room window*
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn’t want to go to the store…
Life is like a roller coaster: There are ups & downs, you often feel like vomiting, but in the end there are weird pictures of you for sale.
Enhanced interrogation idea:
If waterboarding isn’t working, try having my mother brush their hair.
*puts you on pedestal*
*vacuums where you were standing*
*takes you off pedestal*
If you have any selfies of you running from wolves then yes, I would be very interested.
Tired of rap songs starting with MC going “uhuh uhuh…One two one two…Let’s do this…” No. You shoulda been ready when the song started.
angel of God: mary u shall give birth to the son of God himself & he shall be named Jesus & shall die on a cross
mary: i have a boyfriend
Which of these is a deadly virus?