@JB4Realz

It all started when I realized that we didn’t call whiskers on rodents “mouse-taches”

THERAPIST *pushes intercom* Deb, cancel my 3 o’clock.

It all started when I realized that we didn’t call whiskers on rodents “mouse-taches”

THERAPIST *pushes intercom* Deb, cancel my 3 o’clock.

- @JB4Realz

You Might Also Like

@ShoutingGoddess

Psst. Don’t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your ‘team of writers’.

@Ameiam

So, if you get pregnant in Vegas, does the baby have to stay there?

@hell_homer

This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]

@GingerHotDish

My friend is mad because I called her baby the cutest little freak show. The CUTEST tho… it’s like she missed that part.

@KateWouldHaveIt

My son just said he’s going to call me “Squishy” to match my stomach and now I need to have another kid just so I can have a favorite

@TheBoydP

If your boss asks you to organize a corporate team building event he does not mean organize a happy hour.

I know this now.

@ItsSamG

My dad went from “no man is good enough for my little girl” to “would you just pick one already? Jobs aren’t even that important” real quick

@OhNoSheTwitnt

Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.