It tastes fantastic but it takes forever to make. What should we call it? A trifle? Yeah, that makes sense.
You Might Also Like
LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it’s occupied
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
Me: *looks at tupperware cabinet*
Tupperware cabinet: CRASH! BANG! CLANK!
[god creating raccoons]
Angel: what do I do with all the leftover tiny people hands?
God: hand me those cats.
My husband has been making pancakes and eggs for breakfast every morning and my kids are becoming accustomed to a standard I am not prepared to maintain after he returns to work.
A panic attack is hearing your teens laughing in another room at the same time you can’t find your phone.
Friend: I’m about to appear in court.
Me: Best of luck! Kill it!!
Friend:…not exactly the best phrase to use in a medical negligence case.
Having an authentic Thanksgiving celebration this year. I’m giving my family smallpox.
The problem with the exclamation point & question mark being side by side on a keyboard:
I’m so sorry your grandma died?
I love you?
Naw, I don’t have jaundice. Just accidentally grabbed the wrong color foundation again.
Olfactory?! You mean that place downtown where a man cans millions of peaches?
Little Orphan Annie’s song “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow” is a little insensitive to the population of Norway.
Anyone know how soon I should start roasting our Christmas turkey so I can be sure it will be nice and dry enough in time for the big day?
(Cargo pants filled with tater tots) “How many do I need to get an Xbox?”
“Sir, that’s not how Toys for Tots works.”
“FALSE ADVERTISING!”
I was just about to go and remind my neighbour to slam all of his car doors as many times as possible in five minutes, but there’s no need.
Wonder Woman 2: Wonder Woman goes to Costco. She pulls apart 2 shopping carts that are stuck together. Costco shoppers amazed. Roll credits.
Last night my wife was watching Marie Kondo, this morning I woke up on the curb.
John Wick: I have a date to the ball tonight…and I don’t want to show up…underdressed
guy who just started working today: I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed sir. we only sell murder weapons here
My 19 y.o. watched a show where a romance ended badly.
In a distressed voice, she asked: “WHY can’t we just have a HAPPY ENDING?”
I involuntarily muttered under my breath: “Because we don’t have the money to pay the masseuse.”
19 y.o.: “What?”
Me: “I didn’t say anything.”
*jogging*
Me: *out of breath* go on I’ll catch up
Him: *turns around to see me eating a can of cherry pie filling*
i used to enjoy weather like “sunny” or rainy” or cloudy” i’m glad that 2023 is showing us that it can innovate and give us weather like “smoke”
(Musicians.)
agenda 4 today:
•shower
•cheerios
•shower-cheerios?
•”hike”
•Photograph a mountain lion
•get mauled by 2nd (hiding) mountain loin
wife: Why did you drink all the rum?
me: I lost the cap
Men’s 3-in-1 soap is for your hair, body, and car.
Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?
I got run over by a bus once but yes yes you’re right, there’s nothing worse than a paper cut!
It was the best of times, it was the trying to get to the recipe at the bottom of a food blog of times