@Parentpains: It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AimeeHelene1: Me: *screaming* HELP!! AHHHH! HELP! I CAN'T SEE!! Him: Are you stuck in your sweater again? Me: *muffled voice* Maybe.
@bridger_w: For a moment I thought it was Saturday, but then I realized it's actually Sunday. The good news is now I have a story to tell at parties
@billingsley313: My pregnant wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked "Does it make my butt look big?" I texted back "Noo!" My phone autocorrect my response to "Moo!" Please send help!
@CMFC99: Eventually you're going to achieve self awareness in a padded cell, staring at your palm, realizing twitter was just all your personalities