*pronounces woah like Noah*
It’s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
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Nobody’s a bigger drama queen than soup in a microwave.
Your Honor the defense rests. They are so tired. Aww they look like angels when they sleep. Kinda makes u forget about the double homicide
Everyone, meet our new baby, Lucian
“Aww, what a nice name”
It’s her dad’s, so I picked his middle name
“What is it?”
You can’t have your cake and thigh gap too.
In an alternate universe, the Tooth Fairy shoves extra teeth in your mouth if you don’t leave her money under your pillow.
hm, feeling a little stiff today. must be from all that (into megaphone) HIKING
– communicate your feelings
– make her feel pretty
– be spontaneous
– oh god she wants you to kill her ex
– is she still in love with him?
– no she loves you she told you she loves you
– kill her ex
– what the hell she’s gone
– was sara even her real name?
Me: cute infant you have there
Me: so tender and mild