20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine’s Day
It’s just sad how often I see zookeepers breaking their own “Don’t Feed the Animals” rule.
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The sincerest form of flattery is having a robot from the future sent back in time to kill you. Imitation is a distant second.
I’m not real good at talking my way out of trouble, since it’s the talking that got me in to trouble in the first place.
My neighbor gave my kid a whistle today.
He is survived by his wife Linda.
In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to my bail money fund.
the divorce rate among my socks is astonishing
Mickey Mouse: Hey, so I’m seeing someone now.
Donald Duck: Me too.
Mickey: What’s she like?
Donald: Me. But with a bow.
Mickey: Sounds hot.
Growing up couldn’t wait to have a room of my own and do whatever I liked. So why did I end up doing the exact opposite by getting married?
I’m laughing way harder than I should for this image.
grandpa joe : stays in bed for 20 yrs letting his poor family take care of him and not doing shit to help them
charlie : gets a golden ticket
grandpa joe :
HOW ARE SPOTTED OWLS ENDANGERED IF THEY’RE ALWAYS BEING SEEN