moth *repeatedly bashing itself against my computer monitor*
me: it’s not a touchscreen you have to use the mouse
Its like they say, don’t judge a apple by its color because it might be a orange.
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If Miley Cyrus really wanted to shock us at the VMAs, she’d show up in a burka covered in a snowsuit and slowly add more clothing each hour.
[the invention of tennis]
“I don’t want this ball.”
“Well, I don’t want it either.”
There are poor, helpless kids in Africa who really need our help. But there’s also kids with machine guns so I’m not going.
me: it’s our third date, you know what this means
him: *confidently* I think I do
me: *saves his number in my contacts*
Match dot com, but for socks.
When she rips his shirt open in the movies, it’s sexy and romantic. But when I try it, he’s all “Your Pap smear is normal, but please don’t do that with your toes every time”.
[At 1st drive-thru window]
Cashier: Okay here is your change sir, you are all set.
5: Uh no we are not all set, where is our food?
Gluten-free, low salt, no sugar all-natural whole grain bread?
The only thing “natural” about this product is the urge to get away from it.