Han Solo had a much cooler older brother called Drum
It’s my son’s 4th birthday so I volunteered to help out on his class trip to Chinatown.
If you don’t hear from me again, they won.
You Might Also Like
My mom keeps telling me there are plenty of fish in the sea. She REALLY doesn’t get me anymore. I. Don’t. Want. A. Fish.
Him: Do you use drugs or alcohol?
Him: What’s your salary requirement?
Me: To be able to afford drugs & alcohol.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
[at Home Depot]
Me: hey, I need some gardening gloves, a tarp, a shovel, and some lye
Clerk: haha, you kill somebody?
Me: our dog died
Clerk: oh God, I’m so sorry…
Me: haha, just kidding. I killed somebody
Hello, I’m a professor in a movie, I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.
if only there was a better name
The weatherman said it’s nice outside. I guess they don’t let him watch the rest of the news.
Now that I’ve removed my windshield wipers I shouldn’t be getting anymore parking tickets.
Funny how we say “I drank a *pot* of coffee” instead of “I drank fourteen cups of coffee and chased the cat around the hot tub with a sword”