It’s not a gang sign, I just have rheumatoid arthritis

You Might Also Like


“We’re not buying another toy until Mommy gets laid!” might not be the most appropriate thing to yell in ToysRUs.


I am 30 minutes into home schooling my 6 year old. I suggest that all school teachers are paid £1m per year from now on.


All I’m saying is there’s no coincidence that Superheroes come in all forms and so does cheese.


Be nice to your family. They get to pick the picture that will be in your obituary.


Reasons Why us girls cry:

happy: 5%
sad: 5%

Who the hell knows!!: 90%


Psychologist: [holds up inkblot] and this one?

Me: a black swirling pit of despair

Psychologist: nope, it’s a duck wearing a funny hat


DOCTOR: Your leg is broken
ME: So what happens now?
D: We put in a cast & it’ll recover naturally
HORSE: [sticks head round curtain] WHAT?!!


Which cellphone carrier drops the most calls? I need to get one for my mom.


I once taught an 8 am college class. So many grandparents died that semester. I then moved my class to 3 pm. No more deaths. And that, my friends, is how I save lives.