“WHAT DO WE WANT?”
i havent decided yet
“WHEN DO WE WANT IT?”
i still need a few more mins with the menu you are a really terrible waiter
“It’s not you, it’s me.” – Identical twins arguing over a photo.
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*calls out under the bed
Me: Are you still there?
Monster: Nope. Go to sleep.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon.
[god creating raccoons]
God: Make a giant squirrel that’s dressed like a burglar and greedy af.
God: Just do it.
In a parallel universe, one sock goes in the washer/dryer and two come out.
It’s not a family vacation until someone threatens to throw a prized possession from a moving vehicle.
My relationship with my Ex was very psychological…she’s psycho and I’m logical.
[watching paint dry]
“Haha! It’s just nice watching something without Benedict Cumberbatch inMy God! There he is”
Life Hack: In any hipster coffee shop, say “You haven’t seen The Wire?” and in the ensuing commotion, leave without paying.
I think we figured out which one was Destiny’s child.