It’s so unfair how the houses on HGTV get remodeled in 30-60 minutes, but my house is taking 2-3 months.

You Might Also Like


For fun, the next time you
have an attractive waitress-

Order a “quickie”

then act surprised when she
tells you it’s pronounced “quiche”


“I’ll do it after I’m dead”

People that don’t know how death works.


Apparently, it’s “bad manners” to stare at a female coworker for 30 seconds, then ask if she’s self-conscious about her hair.


Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art not as nice as this time last year.


If we can’t hit our kids, what’s next? A society slowly becoming less violent as we learn more about child development and human psychology?


me: well, you know, change is inedible

her: i think you mean inevitable

me: *spitting out several nickels* nope


Spent $20 on face coverings for my kids but I’m saving thousands of dollars on braces.


“U put on suntan lotion?”
“Youll get sunburned!”
*sun descends, his voice echoes loudly*


Disappointed a milkshake is just called a milkshake in the UK. I would’ve guessed it was something real perverted like a curd sweetie or lovie cream