For fun, the next time you
have an attractive waitress-
Order a “quickie”
then act surprised when she
tells you it’s pronounced “quiche”
It’s so unfair how the houses on HGTV get remodeled in 30-60 minutes, but my house is taking 2-3 months.
You Might Also Like
“I’ll do it after I’m dead”
People that don’t know how death works.
Apparently, it’s “bad manners” to stare at a female coworker for 30 seconds, then ask if she’s self-conscious about her hair.
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art not as nice as this time last year.
LIFE HACK: solve every murder mystery by being the murderer
If we can’t hit our kids, what’s next? A society slowly becoming less violent as we learn more about child development and human psychology?
me: well, you know, change is inedible
her: i think you mean inevitable
me: *spitting out several nickels* nope
Spent $20 on face coverings for my kids but I’m saving thousands of dollars on braces.
“U put on suntan lotion?”
“Youll get sunburned!”
*sun descends, his voice echoes loudly*
“NICE BICEPS BRO, UR LIL SISTER LOAN EM TO U?”
Disappointed a milkshake is just called a milkshake in the UK. I would’ve guessed it was something real perverted like a curd sweetie or lovie cream