Hot Dads in ur Area Are Disappointed in ur Browser History Especially the One ur Watching Right Now With Midgets Dressed Like Dinosaurs
#ItsTheEndOfTheWorldAnd I’m going to run with scissors and swim immediately after eating!!!
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Thank God you’ve updated your status to “Finished lunch” after you first posted “Going to lunch” I really couldn’t tolerate more suspense.
Only 90’s kids will remember this! *plays outside*
when the lady in the elevator burst into tears I did the only thing a man could do in the situation. I fell to the floor and played dead.
Found an eyelash on my pizza.
Wished for more pizza.
*Food hits floor* Little germs: GET IT!!! King Germ: NO! We must wait 5 seconds!
Wife : I wish we still had sex like we did when we first started dating.
Me: So, like, with other people?
– So tell me about your date.
– It was ok. He’s a Detective Inspector, currently working undercover in a butcher’s.
– Sounds a bit dull.
– Yeah but there’s more to him than meats DI.
Dave is coming over.
“Dave Wilson or Dave who thinks he’s Spider-Man?”
[loud thud on the roof]
BACK DOOR IS OPEN, DAVE