@girl_a_whirl

I’ve been training my family to be future Survivor contestants. If you can find food in my house, you can make it anywhere.

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@MattKrahe

A gentle reminder that as a duck billed platypus both lays eggs and produces milk, it is unusual in that it could make it’s own custard.

@Kevaclysm

Asking men how many wheels their trucks have and scoffing, regardless of the answer.

@HomeWithPeanut

People without kids should be happy their brain cells work in a fairly normal manner.

For example, I’ve recently looked for my cellphone under the couch…using the flashlight on my cellphone.

@HomeProbably

It’s amazing what happens when you take a little time to get to know someone.

They become even more annoying.

@gabemakesmusic

I once saw a road sign that said, “Slow Down, Small Children at Play” but then it occurred to me that I’m not afraid of small children

@Home_Halfway

ME: I’ve never “opened up to someone” like this before haha

SURGEON: We have literally run out of anesthesia to give you, please be unconscious

@KenJennings

PERSONALITY TEST: When you read an obit where someone passes away “surrounded by family,” do you picture murder, or suicide?

@TheBoydP

Don’t be ridiculous, I would never use capitalization as a form of passive aggressive behavior karen.

@abbycohenwl

[Buzzfeed for Cats]
6 THINGS THAT WILL MAKE U BOLT FROM THE ROOM
-Vacuum cleaner
-Walls
-The floor
-Air
-Yourself
-Nothing. Nothing at all