I appreciate a dentist who accepts “I didn’t really expect to live this long” as the answer to why I haven’t been properly taking care of my teeth.
I’ve done a lot of crazy things in my life. Things I’m not proud of. Things I should be ashamed of. And I hope I’m not finished.
You Might Also Like
Garfield creator breaks silence to give impassioned speech. “It’s pronounced Jarfield” he says through tears
Wow…Looks like I’ve added some muscle mass.
~me everytime the scale tells me
I’m getting fatter.
K. U. M.
Just write Jason.”
– me right after ordering coffee
[inserting row in excel]
Excel: copy font format from the row above?
Me: no I’ll handle it
Excel: and copy border from below?
Me: no why?
Excel: idk :/
Me: *typing number* w-why did you make 31,320 a date?
Excel: it’s my birthday 🙂
My neighbor called my dog fat the other day. Took me two hours to convince my dog that he just had thick fur.
Him: You’re pretty obnoxious. You know that?
Me: I’m sorry. All I heard was pretty.
“IT’S 3AM! TIME FOR SPRINTS!” – Cats
If those Amazon drones can really get to your house in 30 minutes then condoms are about to become their #1 selling item.
It’s ok, gas station bathroom motion sensor lights, I forgot I was here too.