@Wtftab: I've got a bag full of stick figure stickers, and when I see an SUV I add random dudes to their families.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Dr: What are some of your hobbies? "I like correcting factual inaccuracies in women's jokes on Twitter" Dr: (writing) Not sexually active.
@newLettuce: Me (sniffling, blubbering): and then he told me to give him my lunch money Manager: Is this true Waiter: I just gave him the check
@StevenKJohnson: Game of Thrones: Now with 100 percent more zombies! The Walking Dead should fire back by adding kingdoms.
@daplusk: [on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim