I’ve never seen a chameleon. Good job, chameleons.

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I’m thinking about giving that Call of Duty game a shot, but first I’m gonna try one last time to get past level 4 on Duck Hunt.


I’m lazy, but not ‘The guy who named blackbirds’ lazy.


I’m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.


After days stranded at sea on the edge of starvation, my 4yo is rescued & given bread:

“This has seeds on it,” she scoffs, pushing it away.


People need to quit hating on women that breastfeed in public. I’m allowed to raise my cat however I want.


They agreed upon ‘almond milk’ when the original name – flavoured nut water – was rejected by test audiences, for whatever reason…


[bar on St. Patrick’s Day]

him: SLANTY *clink*

me: I think you mean sláinte

him: no, slanty is how I stand after I drink Irish whiskey


[in hell journal day 211]

I’ve asked if it was hot in here 932 times in 211 days. the dark lord is angry but he has nowhere else to send me