@Lerky: I've slept with enough babysitters to know how to raise a kid thanks mom
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@Jeff_G_Nixon: "Ha-ha who me? Oh, I put ketchup on everything!" CAR SALESMAN: please stop putting ketchup on these Buicks.
@SteveSuckington: [at adoption agency] "Why do you think you'd be a good fit for adoption?" *cut to a baby mowing my lawn* "I just love kids"
@jacquiewalters: "What should we name them?" Grapes "And what about these?" Grapefruits "I see. So one is a larger version of another?" Not at all "Perfect"
@canadasandra: the host of the party told me to make myself comfortable so I went back home to bed