@kimtopher22: I've slept with my hands covering my neck to ward off vampires since I was a child and you know what? It works.
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@Donna_McCoy: [first date] Him: *dips chip into salsa rather than scooping* Me: *gets up and leaves* (...comes back, grabs salsa bowl, leaves for real)
@HomeProbably: The circus serves as a great analogy for marriage. You're either walking the tightrope or holding a chair because you told her to calm down.
@BadMikeyBad: I practice safe drinking by uninstalling the Amazon App from my phone before I start