@causticbob: Jay-Z is actually the 26th generation of the Jay family, which dates back to the middle-ages, when Jay-A invented rap.
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@jonnysun: ME: genie, i wish i was dead GENIE: [makes me dead then brings me back to life] ok u have two wishes left ME: i dont think u understood
@KoKeniSasquatch: I like dogs, but it's like having a permanent baby. A cat is like having a permanent teenager.
@Pro_Jones_: (Job Interview) Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself. Me: I'm unemployed. I: How about something personal? Me: Personally I need a job.
@internetluke: [two female cops come to arrest me but I am hiding in the men's bathroom] Haha "What do we do?"