@Spaced_Cowboy00
How I flirt with girls:
1. Walk past them 15 times
2. Go home
@jonnysun
JEDI WHO INVENTED LIGHTSABER: ok its a destructive laser sword so maybe we shoudnt wear anythig too flowy
JEDI IN CHARGE OF COSTUMES: …OORR
You Might Also Like
@Spaced_Cowboy00
@AndrewsNotFunny
Her: I like guys that are confident
Me *looking her square in the eye* worcestershire
@AristotlesNZ
My psychiatrist says we need to work on my intimacy issues but then he’s always the one who refuses to snuggle with me on his couch.
@UncleDuke1969
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall.”
Mover: “Fine. Where do you want the couch?”
@GoodNaps
*in court*
Your honor,this case must be thrown out
“On what grounds?”
*points to defendants nametag: ABookByItsCover*
*Judges head explodes*
@UncleDuke1969
COP: License and registration.
BATMAN: I’m Batman.
COP: License, please.
BATMAN: I’m Batman.
COP: I’m not gonna ask again.
BATMAN: I’m Bat-
COP: Alright, hands on the car.
BATMAN: Batmobile.
@fro_vo
[space shuttle]
Captain: prepare for landing
Me: roger that
C: reverse thrusters
M: sretsurht lol
C: lol
*we smash full speed into the moon*
@KylePlantEmoji
Horse: so what happens if say, Fido were to break his leg?
Farmer: well we’d put a cast on him and he’d recover in a few weeks
Horse: oh thank God, because it’s actually me who broke my leg, and I had heard some pretty crazy rumors about hey woah is that thing loaded?
@LukeMones
This google docs thing is lame. Whatever happened to those viruses that turned your screen into a laughing skull & shut down the power grid?
@TheBoydP
Wife: What do you think our song is?
Me: I’d have to say “Happy Birthday”. It’s the song we’ve sung together the most.
Wife: Idiot…