Drop 👏 that 👏 skincare 👏 routine 👏
Jeweler- Lord of the rings
Fast internet- Lord of the pings
Vocalist- Lord of the sings
Trivia winner- Lord of the dings
Medical supply- Lord of the slings
Orchestra- Lord of the strings
Sports bar- Lord of the wings
Beekeeper- Lord of the stings
Tinder- Lord of the flings
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qo? ?uo p?? no?
*makes third wish*
Lastly, I want to be irresistible to women.
[Transformed into really nice handbag]
me: tries to sleep.
clock: i think i’m going to karaoke in Morse code now.
*tunnels out of prison cell, pops up in the warden’s office in an entirely different prison*
aw come ON
[Looking at something funny on my phone]
Husband: Let me see?
Me: Of course. One second.
[Resets phone to factory settings]
Me: Here you go.
Apparently, the latest gadget used by suicide bombers around the world is a vest completely made of Galaxy Note 7s.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
Any man can undress a woman with his eyes. Be different. Undress her with your nose.
Clark Kent is such a hipster.
He has fake glasses, still uses phone booths, & prides himself as being the only one who hasn’t seen Superman