Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@G_Faylor

[Scientist discovering catfish]

Scientist: What kind of fish are you?

Fish, maintaining eye contact: *pushes entire shelf of beakers over*

@TheHatStore

[first day on wind farm]

me: *placing bucket under turbine* what do I squeeze

@jp_mcdade

Jan. 1, 2021: We did it, guys! That awful year is behind us!

Aug. 4, 2021: The snake wolves have taken Illinois. Here’s what that means for Ohio volcano refugees.

@KeetPotato

[airport]
“you should have used a tag”
[a horse emerges on luggage belt]
noone else has brought a horse linda
[another horse appears]
oh FFS

@KentWGraham

When I awoke from the car accident in a full bodycast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.

@MsLighthouseCat

Sometimes I treat my depression, but other times we go dutch.

@ItsDumbTweets

😂 I’m dying over here

@imteddybless

my cousin’s baby is due tomorrow & my grandma keeps checkin her phone for news. waitin for the baby 2 text her like “im here lol. from baby”

@Swishergirl24

Why are people upset about the Starbucks cup and not the fact that they are paying $7 for coffee?

@IndecisiveJones

narrator: and here we see the majestic bal-

toupeed eagle: what?