jewelry making tip: a simple can of gold spraypaint can turn a chicken nugget into a gold nugget

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The secret to sustaining a happy marriage is to keep the mystery alive. So tonight I decided to clean something unexpectedly.


Front page of cnn.com features “Cats that look like Hitler”. Just not enough other important stuff happening in the world, I guess.


I would like to nominate my husband for Father of the Year for having the innovation to rename Tomato Soup to Ketchup Soup, thereby getting our kids to actually eat it.


you don’t scare me. you’re not a can of biscuits i’m about to open.


Son: Dad, can we have the talk on how babies are made?

Me: Haha no way! I do not want to know!


Heard covid makes everything taste like lacroix. I am now wearing seven masks


Guy: I’ll pay for my coffee and the guy behind me
Me: hi thanks can I get a large coffee with 85 espresso shots


we all had to sign a card for a coworker thats retiring and i just wrote “please take me with you” in it


Look, kid, sorry I ate your ice cream out of your hand but at the rate you were licking, it was either gonna be me or the ground.