@AkaCorbinDallas Tweets got stolen.
* Everybody looks at the new black dude following *
@kiiimdaaa Jokes on all you idiots hoarding toilet paper, I’ve been hoarding fast food napkins FOREVER so I am SET.
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@AkaCorbinDallas 
@Ryanfc706 I hate when I smile at a stranger and they don’t smile back… I’m using my face muscles for you, you little shit.
@NicestHippo You hate it
“No I just didn’t think we’d spend our anniversary here”
*pssss*
“What was that?!”
The bouncy castle is deflating
@TheTweetOfGod Nancy Grace just called pot smokers “fat and lazy”. Right. Unlike the buff marathon runners home 4 o’clock on a Monday watching your show.
@kelkulus Help your friends diet by replacing the light in their fridge with an air horn.
@joejwest ME: I make all my decisions by rolling dice
DATE: Ok
WAITER: Can I get you any drinks?
ME: Yes I’ll have-
[rolls dice]
-six beers please
@BillMc7 Just saw a spider. It was sleeping. I crawled into its mouth.
@fightforfood We get it, cacti, you have great biceps.
@mjkspeaks In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
@wendchymes Just caught a glimpse of myself naked –
Apologies in advance to my coroner