IM CRYING AT HIS REPLY
Judging by how all of these ladies tweet about cucumbers I’m pretty sure size does matter because I never see them tweeting about carrots 🙁
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WARNING: DO NOT TRY AND EAT WARREN BUFFET. HE IS NOT AN ACTUAL BUFFET AND IS NOT MADE OF FOOD
2019: Crowd surfing
2020: Channel surfing
[1907. the first convenience store opens]
GUY WHO INVENTED INCONVENIENCE STORES: damn
Cop: Know why I stopped you?
The dead guy in my trunk?
Cop: Um, speeding, but my shift’s over, so proper burial and no more murders. Ok?
Leia: This is romantic
Han: I know
Leia: Does he have to be here?
Han: It’s a life debt. You’re basically marrying us both
If you say to yourself, “how could this get any worse?”
I will magically appear.
invited to a party: will there be food?
to a wedding: will there be food?
to the gym: will there be food?
to an orgy: will there be food?
to an intervention: will there be food?
to be a human trial subject for experimental brain surgery: will there be food?
*gets Ouija board*
Spirits, are there Pringles in the kitchen?
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says “welcome”…