[God creating the frog]
“How about a really stupid-looking kangaroo fish?”
*jumps on stage and snatches up mic and screams*
LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR, LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!
*gets escorted out of church*
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-could u use it in a sentence?
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Me: Where did your husband go to law school?
Client: He didn’t.
Me: So you should probably just do what he says.
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Yeah, great. Just my luck I get haunted by a phantomime.
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Surgeon: I’ll be taking out your appendix today
Me: [stomach rumbles]
Surgeon: [puts stethoscope to my tummy]
Appendix: I have a boyfriend
Why does George Zimmerman keep popping up every 6 months or so? Is he the McRib?