Just a bush.
You Might Also Like
I believe the plural is “milves.”
when I was little, I drugged the milk to catch Santa. Next morning I found my dad passed out on the stairs. Well played Santa..
After playing guitar all these years, I thought I’d give piano a try. But that’s not an easy instrument to pick up.
What’s your superpower?
Spiderman: ummm, parkour.
Two pyromaniacs meeting on match. com is the same as fisherman meeting on plenty of fish.
The next time my middle schooler refuses to acknowledge me in public, I’m giving him a big hug and asking him when his last bowel movement was.
The neighbor kid talks a lot of shit for someone who isn’t allowed to leave the yard.
Some say the glass is half empty. Some say it’s half full. I ask “Are you going to finish that?”.
Sydney actually has a lot of cool bars it’s just that to find them you have to walk into random shops and lean on shit like a Scooby Doo character until you find the secret passage.
A guy in New York had a CVS receipt
stuck to his shoe.Luckily, a lady in Chicago saw it and
was kind enough to pull it off for him.
My neighbor must be having a rough day. I caught her sneaking out her bathroom window while I was sneaking out my bathroom window.
Friend at work gave me some edibles. So I’m taking the train instead of driving.
keep scrolling I’ve got nothing.
Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?
[Friend] Kyle, u have to stop referring to your Ballet Club as a “gang”
[Me & my gang all do 2 pirouettes and stop in unison] “Not a chance”
When I order pizza online, in the “Special Instructions for the Driver” box, I put “Tell me I’m a pretty princess”.
And they do.
And I am.
Women have a good 6th sense. I smiled at a girl in the mall once. When I got home I opened the door and my wife met me with a drop kick.
Oh no Baby Hitler is trending did he die or something
I just found panties with pockets and we may be overcorrecting.
“You should cook it like this more often.”
Me, panicked cried twice and burnt myself when cooking it: sure.
*nonchalantly waters the geraniums with a lawnmower*
angel: “greetings. do not be afraid. you will conceive and bring forth a son”
me: “thank you so much for reaching out! is this a paid opportunity?”
The pandemic has made it nearly impossible for me to get piggyback rides from strangers, so I’m really over it.
Him: *stares at my face
Him: *points to his lips
Me: *OMG He loves me & wants to kiss!
Him: “you have mayo on your face”Me: *dies alone
Girlfriend: Are you cheating on me?
Me: You sound like my wife.
Doctor: “Are you ready for your shot today?”
Me: [Puts on a bulletproof vest.] “I’m ready.”
Boy if these walls could talk I’d be like “HOLY SHIT TALKING WALLS”
*skinny dips into black hole