Locked myself in the bathroom for 2 minutes of solace when lo and behold my 3 year old Macgyvered her way in with a hair clip. I’m too upset to be impressed.
Just caught a glimpse of myself naked –
Apologies in advance to my coroner
You Might Also Like
Bank robber: This is a robbery! Nobody do anything stupid!
My wife slowly turns to face me and mouths: You are gonna die
I feel so bad for people who don’t like sports. They never experience the thrill of maybe being happy once every 10-20 years
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
Told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows on too high
she looked surprised.
I bought my nephew a drum set because:
A) I’m an awesome uncle
B) Learning to play an instrument is important
C) I hate my sister
If you’re gonna name your son after you, at least make it interesting. Like, instead of Junior, go with something like “Jeff 2: Revenge of the Jeff
Not one person is cooler than the pigeon that just walked all the way into this Mexican restaurant, gently picked up a taco chip, and left.
Interviewer: what did you bring to the table
Me: in my last job I brought a lot of enthusia-
Interviewer: no what did you just put on my desk
Me: u mean my toad