My son asked me where poo came from. I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest answer. He looked perplexed and stared at me for a minute then asked….and tigger???
Just finished up some dusting. And by dusting I mean I blew on a shelf and then sneezed 6 times in a row.
You Might Also Like
ME: how will i die
FORTUNE TELLER: you will be hit by a car
ME: will my wife miss me
FORTUNE TELLER: perhaps i wasn’t clear
Wrapping gifts and one kid has more than the other so to even it up I hope she likes this bag of potatoes.
[stargazing with my daughter]
Daughter: dada where’s Orion’s Belt?
Me: it’s probably on Orion’s Pants lol.
Daughter: this is why I have a C in science.
BOSS: it’s national replace H’s with F’s day
BOSS: yep, you’re hired!
BOSS: get out
ME: what the huck?
Home is where your toilet is.
*grabs mic at a funeral* ok now say nice things about me
Top 5 of the wealthiest ppl in the World thanks to Covid- 19.
1. Divorce lawyers
ME: I will now pull a rabbit out of my cat
MAGICIAN TEACHER: omg what have you done
I bought my nephew a drum set because:
A) I’m an awesome uncle
B) Learning to play an instrument is important
C) I hate my sister