@charliedelta7: Just flipped my son off behind his back because I'm an adult and don't get into arguments with 4 year olds.
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@Fred_Delicious: *approaches girl in bar* *passes right through her* *i've been dead for 73 years*
@daemonic3: [gf comes home after spray tanning] Hey, orange you looking good! "Thanks" Anytime, pumpkin! "You're sweet" You're one in vermillion!
@hunz74: My 10 year old: "If nothing is faster than the speed of light, how did the darkness get there first." Me: "What?"
@IamJackBoot: Me: Don't fall in love with me doll face. I'm no good for you; I'm bad news. Her: No problem. Here's your change. Pull up to the next window.