@tsm560: Just for kicks whenever I run into an old friend I haven’t seen in a while I greet them with “holy shit I thought you died.”
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@ohpeetie: [ during job interview ] - "Why do you think you would make a good asset to our team?" - "I give up, why?"
@OctopusCaveman: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Me: What’s the good news? Doctor: The good news is you’re alive. The bad news is you’re going to have to diet and exercise to stay that way
@ThisLocalHater: [pouring another round of shots for my dolls] What do you mean isolated and unstable?
@aveuaskew: Are you okay? Yes Did you take your cold medicine? Umm yes Why are you so nervous? I never thought throw pillows would ask so many questions