@SamuelHLowe

Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?

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@notalogin

[Me, in sign language, next to volcano]
The Earth soup is not for eating

@IsMarshallOkay

I know we have a lot of problems but never forget that about 100 years ago we suddenly made most horses unemployed and someday soon they will have their revenge.

@Chhapiness

20s: There are three people? I’m not going to the party

40s: There are three people!! I’m not going to the party

@215potter

My neighbor’s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.

@ShesARealGenius

I like how Band-Aids come in 2 varieties: Stays on For a Second Before Falling Off or Needs WD-40 For Removal From Skin.

@CuppleOthoughts

Biden: We need theme music when we walk into a room

Obama: Joe be professional

Biden: STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON, CRAZY MOTHER-

#BidenMemes