Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?

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[Me, in sign language, next to volcano]
The Earth soup is not for eating


I know we have a lot of problems but never forget that about 100 years ago we suddenly made most horses unemployed and someday soon they will have their revenge.


20s: There are three people? I’m not going to the party

40s: There are three people!! I’m not going to the party


My neighbor’s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.


I like how Band-Aids come in 2 varieties: Stays on For a Second Before Falling Off or Needs WD-40 For Removal From Skin.


Biden: We need theme music when we walk into a room

Obama: Joe be professional