@Steelers1972: Just hung a picture of Steve Buscemi over my daughters toothbrush to ensure proper brushing.
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@LifeUnPinterest: My husband said I need a scary costume for Halloween this year, so I'm dressing up as a Positive Pregnancy Test.
@DontTouchMyWine: Whoa. Wait a minute. So those stick figures on your car aren’t for pedestrians you ran over? Damn it! *starts scraping off her stickers*
@Big_Cat74: [first date] Her: Dating is so hard now. There are so many weirdos out there, right? Me: *loud prolonged dolphin screeching sound*
@emdoyl: 2011: The world’s gonna end next year...like probably....bc of something w the Mayans People: *freaking out* 2019: There is SCIENTIFIC PROOF that Global Warming is rapidly destroying life as we know it, and we need change, fast. People: lol ok