Current adult status: Just got into a heated debate about whether or not Merida from Brave is a Disney princess. I won. She is not.
Just once I’d like a number between 1 and 10 to think of me.
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I always get my pizza cut into 4 slices. You’d have to be a fat ass to eat 8 slices.
Me: There’s a real fat one on the other team!
Her: “My son’s not fat!”
How you know I was talking about him?
“Cuz he’s the..”
The worst part of a 30-minute workout is the final 29 minutes.
Nah mate, when the Americans talk about football they mean that silly game where the fat men dress up as Transformers
Who called them potatoes & not the motherchip.
“What’s your biggest weakness?”
“I don’t think-”
“I broke into ur house and made love to ur cat last night”
*at adoption center*
“Okay yeah they’re all great and all, but which one is the most photogenic for Facebook and stuff like that”
Don’t like me? You’ll come around.
– Onion Rings