just saw Gravity. excuse me while I go hug the earth.

You Might Also Like


A Christmas Carol but Scrooge has enough money to hire the Ghostbusters.


Butterflies are like regular flies, but they live at Paula Deen’s house.


Rick Astley: Do you have any Pixar movies I can borrow?

Me: You can have Cars, Toy Story & Ratatouille, but I’m never gonna give you UP.


How enormous was the spider I just found in my bathtub? It put down its Kindle, grabbed a nearby towel, and muttered, “Does nobody in this house knock?”


How is it that I, a young, single, man with a good job and his own apartment, cannot find a swordsman skilled enough to grant me a warrior’s death?


Got asked to be godfather of my niece, so if anything happens to her parents then someone else has to take care of her because I said no


DOCTOR: This man needs blood!
DRACULA: And this man needs soup!
WAITER: Why do you two order like this?


“Gotta wake up early”

*sets alarm for 5am*

*wakes up at 4:55am to cancel alarm*

*goes back to sleep*


I was terrified when my son started driving alone, but then realized he could get dinner and grocery shop. I’m good now.