@Shock_Monster

Just saw the first duckface of Spring.

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@E_lok44

The only lyrics I can make out in the song “Informer” are “Hey farrrrmer…something….a leaky boom boom cow”.
Not 100% sure though.

@

a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:”user”;s:8:”kelkulus”;s:5:”image”;s:90:”http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3278807262/1fcf70b5a66e936d490699028532762d_bigger.jpeg”;s:6:”id_str”;s:18:”349553856545427457″;s:7:”retweet”;s:3:”165″;s:5:”tweet”;s:85:”I asked the cashier if she could validate my parking. “You park real good,” she said.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}

@JohnLyonTweets

[meeting]

Boss: What do you think?

Me: I think we need to get out in front of this. If we’re not on top of it, it will roll over us and we’ll never get out from under it. Can everybody get behind that?

Boss: You’re not allowed to talk anymore.

@craigdtull

Asking me for advice is like asking broccoli to fix your bicycle.

@TheDairylandDon

Joker: You’re endangering a minor
Batman: He’s my partner
Joker: Why’s he in his underwear?
Batman: So we match. Look, this isn’t about me.

@Rollinintheseat

Person: “Why are you in a wheelchair?”

Me [from my wheelchair]: “My jet pack is in the shop.”

@texasstalkermom

Of course he’s into you. He’s just super-duper busy, messaging other chicks.

@Pork_Chop_Hair

Pro Tip: If you’re searching for Moana You Tube video clips for your kids, DO NOT forget the ‘a’ on the end.